Hey guys! Caleb here : ) I’m posting today because while walking Vivian yesterday, I was listening to one of my favorite podcast series (by the Liturgists) + the hosts of the show were talking about knowing whether or not something is prophetic. Towards the end of the podcast, one of the voices on the show, “Science Mike”, dropped four questions of truth that he uses to evaluate what he is about to say before he says it (referencing more difficult or challenging conversations with others) to ensure that what comes out of his mouth is coming from a standpoint of truth.
I’ve often struggled with confrontation + voicing my thoughts when I believe something needs to be changed, but as a teammate to Maison, I should be openly communicating with her when I think something needs to be changed. Which got be thinking about you guys + hence this blog post! I thought that maybe if any of you struggle with confrontation, or are just looking to better communicate with your spouse, you may find these four questions as useful as I have!
1. Am I communicating honestly + without hostility? If I’m in conflict with Maison, mad about something, or bringing up some critique I have of her, even if it’s valid, it would be better served if I first evaluated my own feelings so I could present it to her from a place of honesty + compassion.
2. Am I speaking for someone or against something? This is where my stubborn nature comes in. Before arguing about something, I need to reflect + ask myself, “Am I arguing because I’m wanting what’s best for Maison/our marriage, or am I arguing because I don’t like what Maison is saying?”
3. What will I get out of saying this? Am I critiquing Maison because I’m trying to make myself feel better? Am I trying to prove my intelligence by being right? If I’m seeking to promote myself in any way, it is probably hurting both Maison + our marriage.
4. Is this driven by social identity? Is what I’m about to say actually true, or am I perceiving it as truth because it is a belief commonly shared by people or groups I identify with? Just because Maison doesn’t identify with a certain group or thought process that I do doesn’t mean she is wrong.
I haven’t had much time to put these ideas to practice, but I thought at the very least they were something to think about in the context of marriage + how we can become better for our spouses. I strive everyday to better myself for Maison + for our marriage. I’m not perfect, but with the help of people far wiser than I, + a heart that longs to pursue Maison + better our marriage, I know that our marriage will be better today than it was yesterday. Here’s to the continued pursuit of our spouses or significant others + a deep love for marriage! Happy Thursday everyone!
*Note: Like I mentioned in the beginning of the post, I love this podcast by The Liturgists + you should totally check it out if you are at all interested in a discussion of some extremely complicated topics by examining things through the lenses of science, art, and faith with a commitment to open, honest discussions.
You can check it out here.