What gave you the most life today?
What took away the most life today?
These are the two questions that Caleb + I ask one another every night before we go to bed. It’s something we’ve been doing for a couple of months now, + it has greatly impacted our marriage. Something so simple — that ANY married couple could EASILY start doing today!!! — can have such a significant impact. Here’s why:
Asking Caleb these two questions allows me insight into how he thinks + what impacts him on a daily basis in ways that I might not have known before. And then I get to take those new things I just learned about how he functions + apply them to our marriage in the future … to make it better + build a stronger foundation. Additionally, his answers remind me of things that are true about him + ways that I can better love + serve him as my husband.
For example: If Caleb told me that what gave him the most life that day was our break from working, walking Vivian + having a good conversation … I am reminded that quality time together connecting as husband + wife (+ not just business partners) brings him LIFE — in fact, sometimes, the most life in his entire day. When I hear him say this, it encourages me that no matter how busy we are, or how long the to-do list seems, taking time to just BE husband + wife together is very important to my husband + brings him utmost joy. Making sure this happens in our day is a way I can better love + serve him.
So, to wrap things up, here’s exactly how we do this at home:
First, Caleb will ask me what gave me the most life that day. I will respond + he will just listen. Then, he will ask me what took away the most life that day. Again, I will respond + he will listen. Then, he will repeat back to me exactly what I shared with him — not changing the words or manipulating what he thought I said based on his interpretation of what I said. Instead, he will just repeat back, “So what gave you the most life today was _______________, + what took away the most life today was ________________ (basically stating verbatim what I said to him). I will confirm + say “thank you :)”! Then, we switch + I ask him, etc., etc. 🙂
It’s so simple yet so powerful, you guys! I mean it! I feel like I am always learning new things about Caleb because of doing this + I absolutely love that. Additionally, it allows me to reflect back on my day a bit more … to think, what did give me the most life? What did take away the most life? It’s a positive thing all around! I hope you’ll try it with your spouse — even begin by just committing to doing it for a week!! AND, if you’re feeling even MORE courageous, I would LOVE to hear how it went : ) Have a great week!!