Today’s post is short, but it’s purpose is to connect with others through vulnerability–to let them know they’re not alone + encourage anyone who may find themselves in the same boat as me!
Contentment.
Oh, contentment. A tough, challenging, cuts-to-the-core kind of word that lately, has been finding it’s way into my life quite often. I struggle with contentment. A lot. If you’re at all like me, you often find yourself comparing your situation … circumstances … life with others. Does my business look like their business? Am I doing things the way they are? The “right” way? Am I succeeding like they are? Is our apartment decorated as stylishly as their apartment? Are we making as much money as they are? Is our marriage as “happy” as their marriage? Am I as good of a wife as she is? These thoughts … man, they are poisonous. For me at least. Because the minute I start thinking these things, I completely lose perspective + site of the goodness that is right in front of me. My focus goes from thankfulness to greed, envy, inadequacy, defeat, hopelessness. Just like that. But more than all these negative thoughts, I lose site of who I am. My life. My calling.
I am not called to be someone else. Or live like someone else. Or run a business like someone else. I am called to be Maison Engel. To be a loving, serving, + selfless wife to my husband. To take Vivian for walks around the block with him + to take time to simply sit + be with him. To share deep conversations + connect with him intimately. I am called to be a good sister + friend, + to be there when people in my life need me. I am called to work with + photograph the specific clients who come into my life, + to do it well + in love. To make time for them + truly get to know them so that I can serve their specific needs + capture their unique stories.
Specific callings for this specific life.
So today, I am committing to stop convincing myself the “grass is always greener on the other side” + to stop comparing myself + trying to be like other people. I am committing to paving my OWN path + doing things as I, Maison Engel, am called to do them for this unique + specific life of mine. I am committing to notice the beautiful intricacies + details of my life + to be thankful for where I am, who I’m with, + the experiences I am blessed with. I am choosing today to be content because in that choice, I find it.
Oh life! I so relate to this post…so I very much enjoyed it. Contentment is something everyone struggles with all of their life, I think…until they realize that it really doesn’t matter as long as you are being the best person you can be. And for a while you are convinced by this realization, until you take one step backwards because you’re having a bad day and you wonder if you are good enough again…but it DOES seem that each time you come back to contentment, you are more convinced than you were the last time. Which…hopefully will result in a permanent state of contentment eventually, right? My biggest struggle with not being content is that it prevents you from being here and now and mindful of today…which is so important. So sometimes I work backwards…be mindful, live for here and now, and you will find contentment.