Today’s Marriage Monday post is part confession + part learning from my mistakes. To get right to it, there are countless times when I am quick to judge, lash out, or belittle Maison for no reason other than my personal insecurities. I honestly can’t tell you why it happens or what will set it off. It. Just. Happens.
I think being wedding photographers has led us to look into these behaviors + why they happen. From my own personal experiences, I have found that I am the most harsh with Maison when I feel others are judging me because of how we are acting. This could be something as large as forgetting something important or as small as being too affectionate in public. I always realize after the fact that I am being very unfair + unloving, but in the moment, to be honest, I guess I just feel trapped. I feel like for some strange, untrue reason, being harsh/hot tempered with Maison will somehow solve the problem.
The catch 22. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. What I’ve found, is that those time (albeit few + far between) when I’ve chosen to LOVE Maison have turned out far greater than I could’ve imagined. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I am still weak. Learning this about myself over the course of our first year of marriage hasn’t instantly changed me. It has just opened me to the fact that my behavior needs adjusting. This is one of the MANY reasons I love marriage. Without Maison’s patience, I would be continuing to develop these horrible habits. I would be continuing to become a lesser version of myself. So this post if for those of you out there that struggle with this as well, but it’s more so for Maison.
Maison, I’m sorry for all of the times when I could be more loving to you but instead treat you like you are less important than a given situation. That is NEVER the case. I love you. I will always love you. Our marriage is my most important mission here on earth. I promise to continue to fix my habit of blaming you when situations go awry. Thank you for being so patient with me + choosing to forgive me when I act in these ways. You truly make me a better man.