A couple of months ago, I posted on Instagram asking people to share what kind of blog topics they were interested in me writing about. You guys know that while I love to blog things that are on my heart or going on in our life (and of COURSE all of our beautiful clients!!!), I also want to serve YOU with this blog and put out content that can be helpful and inspiring.
Someone sent a message, “What are your best tips for preparing for marriage?”
Yikes! That is a HUGE question that is virtually impossible to answer with just a couple of tips. Every person is so different … every couple is so different … and as a result, the challenges that present themselves in marriage will look different for everyone! Despite all this, however, I think I understand where this question comes from (I’m pretty sure I asked this question myself when we were engaged!) and I will say this: the fact that you are asking this question means you are already setting yourself up for success.
I do have three tips I want to share, however! They are simply my opinion and based on my own personal experience : )
1. Being proactive in your relationship is critical for a lasting relationship and good communication
Don’t wait until things get “really bad” or “really hard” to ask for help. If you have the same argument more than three times, I would suggest asking another couple, a marriage coach, or someone that you trust to help you work through it. (We started seeing a marriage coach three months into our marriage and still see one to this day!) 9 times out of 10, the surface level reoccurring argument is actually the result of something that is much bigger but buried deep and is a result of past experience(s) you have had that significantly shape the way you think and act. If you can learn about what the true root of certain conflict is (on both sides), you will be able to either avoid or quickly work through future surface level conflicts much easier! (And then do it all over again with a new conflict pattern! ; )).
2. Your spouse isn’t always the problem
You might have heard me say this once or twice ; ) But that is because in my experience, this has been the personal realization (and acceptance) that has impacted our marriage the most. When I stopped blaming Caleb for most things or thinking, “If HE would just change” and instead humbly decided to look at my own contributions to the problems in our marriage (oh wait, I’m not perfect?! ; )), a LOT changed. I was ultimately happier because accepting my flaws and learning how to control them (not let them control me!) has led to personal growth and change .. which of course makes Caleb happier because his wife is more positive, more “whole” as a person, and growing in understanding of who she is. The conflict that was usually caused by me might not happen as often because I am learning how to navigate my feelings and actions.
3. It won’t always be fun or easy
This one seems obvious but going into our marriage, I definitely think I had this idea deep down that we wouldn’t really fight that much or have a lot of problems. I do think that I thought it would be fairly easy. Some days, it is easy! But some days, it is REALLY hard. Just prepare for that reality (this kind of goes back to #1!). I recently shared a post on our IG account dedicated to marriage content that I think sums this up well:
I hope this post was helpful! I would love to hear your comments below! Or any other feedback or blog topic suggestions!! Have a GREAT week!