I am on a personal mission to help families enjoy, and even look forward to, taking family photos! Over the past 13+ years of being a photographer, I have seen how stressful family photos can be for parents (myself included!) while simultaneously experiencing firsthand how detrimental this stress can be for everyone involved. In (knowingly or unknowingly) striving to capture the “perfect” photos, parents often do the opposite of what is needed to have a session that feels enjoyable, authentic, and fun.

Why are we so stressed?

I believe the driving factor in the stress surrounding family photos is the (good) desire parents have to want the session to go well. Oftentimes, they are investing a lot of money into a photography session and want the photos to accurately reflect the joy they feel in being a parent, and the love their family has for one another.

However, there are many unexpected things that can happen leading up to or at a family photo session! Inevitably, things will go wrong at times. Someone may be in a bad mood, or there might be grass stains on pant legs or a scrape on an arm from a fall that happened just an hour before photos were set to begin. Kids will have meltdowns, cry, or lose interest. As these things happen, it almost becomes a question of how we help ourselves through whatever may come up during a session — maybe even more so than how we will need to help our kids!

Expectations are Critical

When we’re hoping to have a flawless session, this (normal) desire we have for things to go well can actually become problematic as it puts a subsconscious pressure on our kids to behave or act in a certain way. Kids tend to resist and rebel against this kind of pressure, and we end up creating the exact opposite environment that we want to have! But when we expect that mishaps are going to happen, they don’t surprise or derail us in the moment. Instead, we get to remain calm and present, letting the unexpected moments roll across our back as we turn toward our family into acceptance and connection. When kids sense their parents’ genuine excitement about an experience, it is nearly impossible for them to not feel the same way!

Excitement → Enjoyment → Connection → Authentic Photos

If any of this resonates based on past family photo experiences, I would highly encourage you to take intentional time to sit and reflect before your session begins. Think through potential problem areas that may come up based on your family dynamics and current season of life … “What if my son is refusing to smile?” or “What if my daughter doesn’t want to wear the outfit I am really hoping for?” or “What if the weather is colder than I was expecting?” How are you going to respond, in the moment? How do you want to respond? Picture yourself in these moments, and practice! I can promise it will help you stay more present and less stressed when the session time comes.

What Matters Most

One of my favorite parenting experts, Janet Lansbury, frequently talks about how kids pick up on our energy and moods, even when we think we are doing a good job hiding it. The work begins with us! What do we believe about family photos and, as a result, what is the narrative we are giving to our family? Are we speaking highly and positively about the session to come?

By far, parents’ energy at a photography session drives the entire experience. Us photographers have a lot of amazing tools in our toolboxes but, at the end of the day, kids look to their parents for guidance. Having realistic expectations set, I find that parents who are able to be in the moment, engage lovingly and playfully with their kids, have fun, truly welcome whatever comes, and stay connected to their family, are the ones who look forward to photos year after year AND receive galleries full of honest images that feel meaningful to their family.

Thoughts? Questions? Please leave a comment below! I would love to continue this conversation!